Melting...

     "I'm melting. Melting within the immensity of His love. As His arms wrap around me, His grace, His deep penetrating grace is targeting every limb, every organ, every part of my body. Arms that are wrapping fervently with desire. A desire to be close. A desire driven by jealousy to be closer to me than anyone in this world. With a single touch, I become aware. I become aware that He can see me. He can see my every thought, my every motive. I'm exposed. I'm vulnerable. I'm trying to stay strong and fight the overwhelming peace that is surging through my veins. I'm weak. He can see me. Me for who I really am. Me for me, and nothing else. Hesitancy takes over. What if He's disappointed? What if He doesn't understand? What if... He finds out my secrets? You know, those hidden mysteries that no one knows. As I become aware of this, His embrace tightens. It tightens as if He is using his embrace to squeeze out every worry, every fear, every "what if?" I can see His face. Its covered with something. Not disappointment. Not confusion. Not judgement. Its love. Every feature of His face is screaming, as if through a megaphone, of His great love for me. But why? Look what I've done. See who I am. As the embrace tightens, there's a sensation. I can feel something. I feel... worthy. Worthy to hold this embrace. Worthy to hug His sinless body. Worthy to be in the presence of my King, my Creator. Worthy to be loved. And its all ok. All I have to do is... melt"

     One day a couple of weeks ago while I was lying in my bed trying to fall asleep and simultaneously play referee to the numerous thoughts in my head, I got a simple inkling to ask God to show me the extent of His love. I'm not completely sure what drove me to ask the question, but I do remember the question being pretty sincere. In that moment, I expected something dynamic. I expected something life-changing to happen. Instead, there was silence. Kind of shrugging it off, I fell asleep and went about the days to come as usual. A few weeks later while I was doing my hair, God answered my question. Yes, I definitely said "while I was doing my hair." It was the most random timing, but the randomness of it is what made it perfect. I knew, in that moment, that it wasn't something I made up in my mind, because, well like I said, I was doing my hair. He placed an image in my mind of a simple hug. Or it seemed to be a simple embrace. In the picture, I could tell that I was struggling in His hug, pulling away. I didn't want Him to touch me, because then, I thought that He could see. See everything wrong that I had done. As I struggled, I noticed that His arms strengthened and His embrace tightened. Nothing was going to make Him let go of the way He was holding me. As I came to this realization, I could feel His love through every part of my body, and in that moment I just collapsed. I just... melted, in a sense.

     I wrote that first paragraph above last night. I was about to fall asleep, when I started to reflect on the occurrence of His answer to my question, and with that reflection came those words. Take from my preceding words what you like, but read, focus, meditate, learn and believe the words that follow...
“And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord (from the way that Jesus our Master has embraced us).” Romans 8:38, 39